In a time when Earth is experiencing a downtrodden economy and a “green” revolution, intergalactic space pirates from nearby Centauri are earning more booty by the minute. They’ve recently discovered Earth after China and other countries tested missiles in space, which led them to investigate our solar system. Though they despise all Earthlings more than Michael Moore does, they admit to seeing a “new hope” with the release of the latest pony by Ford, the 2011 Mustang.
There has been quibbling on a stellar scale about whether the V6 or the V8 is more fun, but all Centaurians agree that Ford has a winner on their hands. Qaxar hasn’t driven a Mustang since the 1969 Boss 429, which he stated, “…got me a lot of chicks, but was more nose-heavy than W.C. Fields.” Never one to live in the past, Qaxar has already planned his pirate mission to obtain the first delivery of the new Mustangs.
He won’t release all of his secrets, but “it’s a mix of bait ‘n’ switch coupled with good ol’ tractor beam technology”, Qaxar explained. He plans to sell all but one of the Stangs for twice over sticker in Centaurian dollars which, with Earth’s troubled economy, makes this quite a home-run profit for Q and his minions, considering the going conversion rate.
“It’s actually more economical to use Earth dollars as toilet-paper than to go to our local CentMart and pay top-dollar for HindClean”, Qaxar admitted. You see, Centaurians are similar anatomically speaking, but their diet leaves them with a tar-like substance on their…”hind-quarters”. Most Centaurians use HindClean, which is nearly identical to 600-grit sandpaper on Earth.
Qaxar almost feels bad about the Mustang booty, saying that he will try to leave a few for us, but it all depends on supply and demand. He leaves us with this, “Earth-dollars, or ‘squibs’ as we like to call them, are not quite rough enough, but they’re such a good value for the bathroom!”